Aloha nui loa translates to “lots of love”, “with much love”, “all my love”, “very much love” in Hawaiian. As I am saying goodbye to 2021 and setting the theme for 2022, I choose love, not just a little bit of love, a WHOLE LOT of love. That is what my soul needs to heal from the year 2021 which is ending with loss and anxiety.
This is a reflection of my first year in business and sharing the vision for 2022.
In March of 2021, I became my own boss for the first time in my life. Incredibly scarecited, this was a huge unshackling to white supremacy. It was an embracing of my gifts and listening to the voices in my life (ancestors, family, and friends) that encourage me over the voices of fear and racism that tell me I’m not enough and not capable. All the things that entrepreneurs say are true. The rollercoaster over a climbing mountain is real and so worth it. The ups and downs only lead me closer to my purpose. The “trying it out” only clarified what I loved and didn’t. The vulnerability of sharing myself came with loving support, a few haters, and affirmation that I’m worthy. If I had to wrap it up in one lesson, it would be, open yourself up and opportunities await. As I offered my gifts, I received gifts.
The big kicker that came at the end of the year was the realization that I’m still obsessed with working and making money, a seduction of whiteness that I obviously am still struggling to release. What does working and making money have to do with whiteness? Well, it’s the belief that it defines me and success. It’s my desire to have a piece of that “white privilege pie”. It’s comparing myself to others in this world and striving to have what white people do and that it somehow equates to being better; the wealth, the big home, the extravagant vacations, the freedoms, and let’s not forget… the status. It’s continuing to hold truth in “hard work equals success” when I know that’s utter bull shit in our racist, sexist, capitalistic world. Slaves work hard, the oppressed works hard, and success has always been limited to what the oppressor deems in their interest. Even with this knowledge, I found myself choosing to work hours that promise the higher dollars versus investing hours into building myself up.
As I ended the year with big plans to focus energy on launching my online course, I faced the death of my grandmother and Covid-19. First hit with an unexpected trip to Vegas to visit my grandmother, then her death, then my daughter contracting Covid, and then myself getting very sick. All plans ceased. Before getting sick, I thought all I needed was designated time alone with no distractions to work and accomplish my goals. Well, I had that now. Grief and sickness left me incapable of creating anything positive. Although confined to my room in isolation, I could not work. All I could do was think of how much I wanted to be with my family. It was very difficult to shut my brain off from working and rest, to be still and allow my body to heal. I was anxious each day, unable to determine if the tightness in my chest was covid or anxiety. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t quiet my mind.
When I said my farewells to my grandmother, she said to me, “Love one another, just love one another” over and over. I choose to hear her voice over the one in my head telling me to be productive. My goal for 2022 is to continue to choose love over work, family over To Do’s, purpose over accomplishment, health over wealth. Aloha nui loa.
And in and through that love, while holding onto these goals, Middle Waters has big plans for 2022. I hope you can join me in the creation, experience, and celebration of these plans. I invite your collective embrace in lifting this vision, because I know it will take the support of community to come to life.
Here’s the journey for 2022:
Launch of Seeded In Self-Love: A journey of healing for the warriors fighting racism. Learn more and sign up to stay updated on the release here.
Rooted In Self-Love Seminar held monthly starting February. More information found here.
Humble & Brave Seminar held monthly starting February. More information found here.
7 week series for Mixed, Bi/Multi-racial people facilitated with Leidene King that will be phenomenally healing. More information found here.
Although the end of 2021 has come with loss, I am grateful for the learning and ready for 2022, a year full of amazing joy and love. I send you love and thank you for spending these last few minutes with me in reflection. Happy New Year!